Memoirs of a confused mind

i am typing this while the match between Man U and boro is still going on...ten miutes left to be exact...i simply can't force myself to watch it anymore...

4-0

wat the fuck?

its been 10 yrs since the last time that i didnt finish watching a Man U game...the last being the FA cup final in '95 against everton...and this is the 2nd time...i simply couldnt watch it anymore...it just hurts...

why?

4-0...thats fucking why

i know i am here in singapore in and i cant do much about it but as a lifelong fan of so long...i am,together with all other Man U fans are really really terribly terribly let down by the team...no passion,no teamwork and no freaking sense...

hai...

4-0...can u believe it...

fuck

posted by haoz @ 10/30/2005 02:01:00 AM 0 comments

You Are an Emo Rocker!

Expressive and deep, lyrics are really your thing. That doesn't mean you don't rock out... You just rock out with meaning. For you, rock is more about connecting than grandstanding.

posted by haoz @ 10/29/2005 11:16:00 PM 0 comments

shiok ah!

it is a good feeling to reconcile with people that you mite have hurt or misunderstood. it just feels good to be able to talk to good friends all over again and that the stinky air have cleared up....

guess its time to clear the air with those that are still lost in my odour...

exams is less than 3 weeks away and i am getting scared...real scared balls starting to shrink already...hahaha

hai...tahan a bit more..then holidays liao

posted by haoz @ 10/27/2005 09:31:00 AM 0 comments

IT HURTS...BIG TIME...


WHEN...



YOU GOT A FREAKING TOOTHACHE!!!!!!

ARGH!!!KNN

posted by haoz @ 10/24/2005 08:06:00 PM 0 comments

huh?kong simi lan?

sometimes,when are points are to be brought across,there is no need to list any explcit examples of it.The reason for this is that the person bringing up the points do not want to create unnecessary tension and disharmony which could be detrimental to the working and efficiency of the community.Therefore,one should always practise a certain form of disgression.

Like in the case of military training, we use the scenarios of redland versus blueland where redland is always the bad guys. All those who goes thru the training knows who the hell redland is exactly and even the geographical orientation of the enemies and ourselves are similar to real life. We don't question why the govt dont wanna use the real identity because we know that by doing so, it would definitely mean declaring war and that means that there will be an absence of peace.So, the govt is just bitching...but on a wider basis.

So, this is just my polite way of saying that not everything can be announced to the whole world, some may think its cowardly and yes, i agree with you to a certain extent but do keep this in mind...if certain things are explicitly put across, it would definitely means war and war ain't gonna be pretty, so why not bitch about it a little and when the bitching is over, everything will be back to normal and castastrophe can be avoided.

sometimes it just takes a little bitching because its just a spur of the moment thing which will tide over after a while...

posted by haoz @ 10/23/2005 05:32:00 PM 0 comments

it hurts

it hurts...when u just lost someone u love...

it hurts...when friends disappoint you...

it hurts...when u are alone and lonely...

it hurts...when u see the person u like close to someone else...

it hurts...when people u think u can trust double cross u...

it hurts...when you find out the truth when people lie to you...

it hurts...when the truth hurts...

it hurts...when you have no one to turn to...

it hurts...when you are misunderstood and not given a chance to explain...

it hurts...when friends don't understand...

it hurts...when you don't understand...

it hurts...when you have to put up a false front of happiness...

it hurts...when actually deep down inside, you are in misery...

it just hurts...

ouch

posted by haoz @ 10/22/2005 02:16:00 AM 0 comments

A little respect

bastards...in every sense of the word, are ever present....

the guy who refuses to flush everytime after he finishes peeing...
the guy who cut queue at coffee club...
the guy who refuses to clean up after cooking and eating...
the guy who betrayed his friends in order to get into the boss's good books...
the guy who tore up birthday greetings in the lift...
the guy who said he cant go for dinner because he is doing something but when girls ask him to,he's there...in a jiffy...
the guy who X^2 his friend...

sometimes,somewhere,somehow...some of us may find ourselves doing a thankless job that u wonder why u are doing sometimes and all that u need to keep u going is a little respect,not even appreciation but just a little respect.even if u don't like that particular person very much,respect that person as a fellow human being...unless u are too superior to do so after being stuck in your world of the superior class for too long...too long to respect anyone who isn't of the same level as you are when u are thrown into a mixing bowl of personalities and backgrounds.those guys are not the kind that thinks that their are the only ones with problems...Nooo..ooo...those guys are not.those are the kind that thinks that their problems are the only one that matters and that the problems of others are just mere statistics,not worthy of any resolve or solution and they sometimes wonder how people not of their level manage to reach the same level as they do.

guess what...stop wondering all you fucking bastards out there cause its time for u to start showing the rest of the people some fucking respect...

start flushing the toilet
learn how to queue
start practising some morals
stop teraing up birthday greetings in the lift
when u said u can't make it for something,u jolly well mean it and not turn up just because a girl ask u to

stop X^2-ing your friends...
however,if u must still do so,don't be a bigger bastard by asking "are u ok?" after X^2-ing them...

CAUSE WE ARE FUCKING NOT!!!!U FUCKING IDIOTS AND ASSHOLES!!!

maybe u revel in the joy of seeing others suffer because of you,maybe u just can;t be bothered with others or maybe u are just being a bastard...but i am fucking warning u here....yes,not telling u nicely and shit anymore cause i am sick of doing that and being nice...but sending u a warning...a yellowcard because i am just gonna snap if these things happen again and when the shit hits the fan...i make sure all u fucking assholes are in that particular room with the doors locked and the shit ever flying.

fuck you all...bastards...pui!

posted by haoz @ 10/20/2005 06:07:00 PM 1 comments

uninspiring,umimpressive,extremely sloppy and extremely disappointing...

it was one of those matches that made you think why u bother to sacrifice your sleep for 2 hrs to watch it when u could have been soundly sleeping...

there was no passion,no fire and no teamwork at all in Man Utd last nite against lille...

the passing was sloppy...
the runs was haywire...
the tackles were half hearted...

they just disappoint on the whole...

hai...maybe the long injury list took a toll on the rather inexperienced squad...but seriously speaking,i have seen better from the same players...

scholes...totally outta of the game other than the sending off....
fletcher...sell him to middlesboro...
ronaldo...u can make 1000 stepovers but all u need is one good cross...
smith...where?

these are the main culprits last night and as u can see...all are midfielders and thus thats why it was such a sloppy game...

fuck...

posted by haoz @ 10/19/2005 07:36:00 PM 0 comments

wtf

some wtf things i experienced today...

UCC people are nuts...they tryin to create the climate of the north pole is it?it so freaking cold there lah...

UCC has free osim massage chairs...serious!!!those got free time next time can go there and use...shiok!

dunno if its just me or that arts canteen food are dirty...everytime eat already will lao sai...

university students dunno how to flush the freaking toilet!!!bloody hell,20 plus already dunno wat is flush the toilet after use ah...knn...

i finished a lecture on class and ah bengs and the need to brush up on our manners and how the govt is strongly advocating it and the moment i walk out of the LT,i see the PM's son squatting outside the LT in front of the staircase blocking everyone's way....

wtf right...

posted by haoz @ 10/18/2005 05:50:00 PM 1 comments

waiting for the bus...

i remember this show where one of the character compared the search for the 'right one' to be similar to that of waiting for the right bus...the problem is that u know where u wanna go but u dunno what number bus u should take...so u are just waiting blindly...

a failed relationship is just like taking the wrong bus...it takes a alternte route and it will never bring u to your destination and the sooner u get off it,the better it is for you...

sometimes,when we like someone but that someone don't like you back...it feels like that the correct bus is at the bus stop but the bus driver just won't allow u to board the bus...if its because that person has other suitors or like some other people then its like the bus is full and u can't board it...

if the person u like is attached...then it would feel like the bus u have been waiting for is chartered by someone already...

anyway...its just a light hearted way to look at life and relationship...don't take the analogy too seriously and get knock down by a bus because of it...its just for fun...

anyway...how come my bus haven't come yet?late liao lah...hahaha

posted by haoz @ 10/18/2005 05:40:00 PM 0 comments

this post goes out specifically to ah kow,brian,risshe and ken...

this is regarding my msn nick that night...

u guys should know which nite...

those "friends" do not refer to u guys...

u guys didnt even give me a chance to explain or asked me wat was going on before jumping to conclusions...

yes i was pissed...

but i did not mean u guys with that...

posted by haoz @ 10/15/2005 09:42:00 PM 1 comments

wah liew eh...

not i want to say ah...but today i am quite a dl person...

why???

I KENA TUA!!!!!!!

the feeling of kena tua is fucking shitty man...maybe these few days i am still pretty emotional and stuff,thats why so cranky but really huh...dont tua me anymore leh...very sian one u know.u guys shud know i so sian already then still want to tua me...dunno lah...but if in the process of kena tua i "screwed u guys verbally" then pls forgive me huh...still emotionally unstable...

but i guess feeling DL is still better than feeling depressed cause being depressed u are just nua and nua and nua...but being DL gives u the fire and the heat to do things man...so as wrong as it may sound...try to antagonise me these few days alrite and make me DL...as DL as possible.though i might hurl verbal abuses at u and stuff but i dun mean any of them and i apologize in advance to those who take up the challenge to come and make me DL and save me from depression...

sibei sian lah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

posted by haoz @ 10/11/2005 04:34:00 PM 1 comments

posted by haoz @ 10/10/2005 03:28:00 AM 0 comments

mambo jambo

slightly less than 3 weeks to the day...the first mambo after zouk's revamp.one last time to have fun before the exams and i cant wait for the day to come.all the mambo-lites out there must have been waiting a long long time for it(ah kow!!!!mambo!!!!)every mambo brings a different experience each time and i guess for that few hours,all troubles are forgotten(could be due to the fact that we would be wasted),so for that few hours,forget everything and just mambo...even if u do not know the moves,just laugh at the way others are doing and try to catch some of it...

cant wait!!!!

i love mambo!

posted by haoz @ 10/09/2005 07:44:00 PM 0 comments

a discussion last nite with some friends and we came up with this...

loving someone is easy...but making that someone fall in love with u ...now thats difficult

how do u even begin?
talk to the person more?but its difficult cause everytime u see that person your heart skips a beat and your thoughts go haywire...
be normal?u know...play it cool and stuff...but wouldnt that make u just normal???
how about other guys going after the girl?in wat ways are u better than them?

"when everythings meant to be broken...i just want you to know who i am..."

posted by haoz @ 10/06/2005 09:15:00 PM 0 comments

you belong to me???...i guess not

as a kid growing up...

i love to watch cartoons.english cartoons,chinese cartoons and even malay cartoons...

i would sit in a huge cardboard box and pretend i am a race car driver...

i was afraid of cockroaches...

i would buy many many sticker albums and stickers but would give up halfway...

i thought that the president was the most powerful man in singapore...

my favourtie tv show was "aksi mat yoyo" even though i dun understand a word they say...

my form teacher hated me...

i hate my form teacher...

my favourite celebrities were jack neo and moses lim...


as a teenager growing up...

i would steal new paper from the 7-11 near my place because the cashier is mildly retarded...

i would put up my pager number up with my friend's ones on a board in hougang mall,hoping some girl would page me...no one did...

i owned a motorola memojazz...

i fought in class...

i found out that the president is not the most powerful man in singapore,mr lee is...

i had a crush on my english teacher...

i would play soccer everyday after school...

posted by haoz @ 10/05/2005 07:46:00 PM 0 comments

starcrossed

there is a flower on my desk now, a flower in a make shift holder which is actually a loudhailer.the flower is withering slowly but surely,not that i dun want to water it or anything but its just that i have never seen a flower withering before.

i got the flower because i performed in my hall's culture night and where the story of the night was about a marriage that ended with a movie script ending.Yes,everything was good and everyone was in good spirits,but somehow i just was unable to be in that high a spirit as everyone else.how come there can never be movie script ending for all our lives...in which the loser will somehow get the girl in the end...where the underdog prevails...

but then again,what happens after the movie end?the loser will still remain and the girl will still be hot and sought after,will someone go after her??? and will the loser prevail again?i guess that's why most fairy tales end with a "happily ever after..." to tell little kids that the loser gets to keep the girl and that they will have many many children,but as the little kids grow older,they know that theres no such bullshit as happily ever after and the older they grow,the more they will realise that instead of happily after,they should be contented with happily ever before at all because its better to have love and lost than to never have love before.

but who wouldnt long for love again?to be loved again and to taste the sweet sweet sedation of being in a relationship...even though they realise that happily ever after is total bullcrap they still believe in it and hope that they are proven to be wrong and that there can be a movie script ending with a happily ever after in their lives.

its like drugs...addicts know that its bad for them but they are in too deep to care and hope that one day someone comes along and says that drugs can cure cancer.

i dunno what i am talking about anyway,so go on and say what the fuck...its alrite...perfectly.

i guess i will go back to watching my flower wither and die....

posted by haoz @ 10/04/2005 07:17:00 PM 0 comments

a movie script ending?

supposed to be doing my assignment but guess theres always time to blog first...

hope my previous story wasn't too depressing for many people,could have developed further but was late for a meeting so i conveniently put in the ah long to kill the nan ju jiao.well,i guess its just too bad for those who didnt like the story cause here's another story of mine....

sometimes...
some things from the past seem to come back and haunt u...
just when u least expected it...
it could be an incident...
an incident of regret...
it could be an experience...
a harrowing experience
or...
it could be a person...
a person who once let u down...
a person whom u once let down...
and what are the chances u see both such persons in a matter of a few hours....
even though u haven't seen them for ages...
i dunno...

the person who let u down will give u a sense of stupidity...
because u felt stupid for having trusted that person...
only for your trust to be flushed down the toilet bowl...
of a dim,dark and dirty toilet...
into a sewage that's dimmer,darker and dirtier...
u walk on...
pretending not to see...
but the fact is u are still stupid...

2 hours later...
the stupidity u felt earlier is gone...
u feel smarter...
but not much...
cause u are naturally stupid...
but u begin to feel better about yourself...
walking and smiling to yourself...
like some pathetic fool...
the smile fades a little...
because people all around starts to waste your time...
u grumble a little...
but still remain civilised and smiling...
and just when u thought everything is gonna be ok...
a person whom u once let down appears...
guilt overtakes your body...
u sigh and pretend its ok...
smiling like goofy...
but inside u wonder what's wrong with today...
to meet both such persons in a matter of a few hours...
making u feel stupid and guilty...

so what are the odds?...
i dunno...

life goes on...
assholes will still want to waste your time with procedures...
the sky is still blue...
and the grass will still be green...
Man U will still win...
the fool will still remain...
a stupid fool...
a guilty fool...
but...
the fool will still smile and laugh...


and...


















































the police are still looking for the ah long who hacked "a guy" to death...
anyone with information on "ah long" can call 6225 0000...
your identity will remain strictly confidential.

posted by haoz @ 10/04/2005 05:42:00 PM 0 comments

this is a story about a guy...

in a situation that renders him helpless,making him feel lousy and making him feel like a total loser...
he is not good looking,he has no charisma,he has no wealth and he has low self esteem...
he falls for this girl but don't have the guts to tell her that...
he just hopes and prays that she likes him too...
but she doesn't...
he doesn't know what to do and everything is in a mess for him...
but what can he do?...
no looks,no charisma and no wealth...
the only thing he has and can offer is his true true heart...
but somehow...
looks,charisma and wealth are more important than that...
is it?...
he certainly think so...
or rather...
he thinks that girl think so...
but he told himself he shouldn't give up...
he kept trying and trying...
but...
all the girl can say to him is...
"isn't the diamond ring from XXX nice?!!!"
he smiles and keep quiet...
cause that's the only thing that he can do...
in order to win the girl's heart...
he decided to borrow money from the ah long...
and bought a 24k diamond ring for the girl...
much bigger than the one XXX gave her...
the day he gave it to her...
he also asked her to be his girlfriend...
but all she said(after accepting the ring) was...
"u r not really my type"...
which loosely translate to...
"u r ugly and have no freaking charisma and did i say u were UGLY"
he smiles at her cause he can't bring himself to frown at her...
cause he likes her so much...
as she walked away...
a tear rolled down his cheeks...
as he walked home dejectedly...
the ah long's men came and hacked him till he died...
as he lay there dyin...
he smile...
cause he was thinking of her beautiful face...

posted by haoz @ 10/02/2005 10:22:00 PM 0 comments

man u beat fulham 3-2 courtesy of goals from v.nistelrooy and rooney...

ok..i am happy

but once the match is over i fall straight back to my reality

the effect of the prozac is gone

well...woke up super early today for soccer trg and the weather was just freaking torturous.saw some familiar faces at src and kinda a good feeling to talk to them even though i didnt really like tt person last time.dunno why but getting chest pains now...hope its nothing too serious.

aiya...too lazy to blog anymore tonite...the last 2 times i blog long shit the stupid server screwed up...tl already lah

posted by haoz @ 10/02/2005 12:52:00 AM 0 comments