2 weeks of hallucinations and misadventures have all but ended i suppose.Its all back to square 1 and back to my miserable life that i have been blahhing on and on about.The hallucinations were so distracting that i actually forgot to post in chapter 8 and 9 of "Tuesdays with Haoz",but its not like anyone cared anyway.Its all back to the way it was.Back to my life before the night on the eve of my holiday to bangkok.All the shittiness and misplaced energy all comes back to me now,though i am thankful that it came back slowly and not hit me like a speeding evo9.It very nearly did and because of that nearly took the lives of an elderly couple riding on their vespa on a monday night.I received a little distraction after that which helped me tide over this difficult period.It was actually so good that i forgot all the pain and all the hurt which was incidentally brought upon me by none other than myself.It was only yesterday that i realised that i have been hit by a truck once again emotionally.I finally see the blood and start to feel the pain thats oh so familiar.As i lay bleeding all alone and kept wondering how come death have yet to befall upon me,i realised that i will continue to bleed and bleed and bleed until i find "her" to stop the bleeding.Theres no way they are gonna let me die like that,too easy.They want me to feel the pain and bleed,yea,thats wat they want!I must have been a war criminal in my past life to deserve such a treatment.I didnt mean to kill those people i swear,I dont want to be charged with mutiny thats all.Ok thats crap but u get my point don't you.
U DONT?? I guess its alrite isn't it.No one ever does anyway.I am always out of point and makes no coherent sense with my thoughts or my speech all the time.Thats why i call myself the f*cking clueless enigma.I dont make sense to myself sometimes...wrong...make that all the time.But i guess everything i say here is bullshit anyway,no one ever takes me seriously.I am always the joker,the great impersonator,the guy thats fun and cool and brings laughter to people occasionally,but which jackass can bring laughter to mine??Someone did once and it was the best 2 years of my life and after that things just went down the fucking hill.I guess only ak and ken knows wat the fuck i am shitting here about.Best part is,my 2 best friends dont read my fucking blog.How great can life get?I am not angry but just pissed.Wats the diff?I dunno,i just think pissed is a more appropriate word than good ol' angry.How come my life doesnt have a movie script ending?The ending for me is almost always bad as if the scriptwriter of my life is a very bad one who cant seem to fathom out the idea of a HAPPY ENDING!Whoever u are,i got 2 words for u...F*CK U!!!
argh
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