Monday, January 23, 2006

GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED!!!

i went for a shower before my lesson today and discovered that the tanline on my feet is freaking obvious.evidence of how bloody hot it was last saturday when we went to play soccer at rp.i played like shit and got injured at numerous places after colliding with numerous fatties who were in my way.left the place with a busted ankle,busted knee,busted wrists and a bad bad sun burn thats already peeling.

gonna play soccer again this sat,chinese new year eve.cant wait.hope i can play better.

oh yah...one last thing...













MAN U BEAT LIVERPOOL 1-0...SORRY BUT WE WON...
HAHAHAHA
HAHAHA
HAHA
HA

posted by haoz @ 1/23/2006 04:12:00 PM 0 comments

the world i know

i dont know wat to make of this weekend.to sum it all up,it was one of disappointments and feeling pissed off.

friends disappoint.appreciate anything thats done?no.not even a sorry.not even a thank you.

pple disappoint.giving hope and breaking it,shattering the heart to pieces.

at a all time low at this point of time.so many things going on.i try to be as good and as nice as i can be and i havent lost my temper for a long time but i did so yesterday.lashing out at my good friend in front of our friends,his friends and whoever else there is.luckily i managed to calm myself down before things get out of hand.i dunno how long i can keep my temper in check if all these things keep going on.i am just pissed off,why the hell must things turn out this way?why must the email be sent?why must it rain?why must i call u along?why isnt 2 guys mamboing enough?why?why?why?

sorry my entries lately are abit on the depressing end of the spectrum of emotions but i cant help it.i am in a bad mood and feeling totally jaded about everything.if i happen to scold anyone or just piss u off the next few days please forgive me and hope u can understand.

posted by haoz @ 1/23/2006 02:32:00 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

what's the story morning glory?

and so its over

after being drawn in, being given hope and being disappointed, its finally over. i have alot to say if i were to speak, but i'll just keep most of them to myself.

its actually kinda liberating in a way. no need to hope no need to "see how things go". but in the end the fact remains that i was the fool, a hopeless fool. foolish enough to be drawn in and gotten trapped in the quicksand of emotions.

PUI!!!!

as i spit out the last grains of sand still in my mouth, i feel better but still in need of a good clean up. an oasis would be nice. an oasis to jump in and cleanse my sandy body cause no matter how hard i wipe and how hard i swipe, those itsy bitsy grains between your toes and in your hair will remain until a thorough wash. However, i dont see any oasis anywhere near. I am alrite, irritated by the sand more and more and wonder how did i ever see any goodness in jumping into the quciksand. i was warned,"hey man...be careful,so quicksands may look like an oasis" but i guess like any average male, warnings are just something thats in one ear and out the other. so as i move on to look for my oasis(not the one coming to perform in singapore in feb), i hope i do not encounter any more quicksands.

posted by haoz @ 1/17/2006 12:38:00 PM 0 comments

Friday, January 13, 2006

Friday the 13th

funny how things turn out...

i think i am not feeling better as i had hoped and so i can keep hoping...

cold cold weather...

adding to the misery...

of having to deal with feelings are had already turned cold...

everything seems not to be going well for me...

fan is down...

umbrella is officially screwed when i need it most...

tutorials registration isn't going well...

maybe its a curse...

maybe its just that i am plain unlucky...

to be in this room...

to be in this module...

to be stuck in this climate...

to have met you...

so on this friday the 13th...

i hope i do not get anymore unlucky than i already am...

...

posted by haoz @ 1/13/2006 09:18:00 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

a tribute to phillip neville

i guess the older a person is, the wiser he becomes too. i have been too blinded by the feelings that i havent really given much thought to what the consequences will be and how things might turn out. somehow,the words from that wiser person just made sense immediately and i can already see the blindfold comin off.though not yet entirely but i guess it starting to come off is already a good thing and hopefully it wont go back on again.

phillip neville.the former manchester united player who came thru the youth system in man u.born and bred in manchester.never the most skilful of players in the squad but always reliable when called upon and sadly,never a regular in the first team.when the first team gets hit by injuries and he is called upon to do the job,he always do it with 100% effort.yes,he made some stupid mistakes before but then again,who doesnt?hailed by the media and by the fans alike when performing heroics as a left back/centre back/right back/centre mid/left mid.but when the first teamers return from their injuries,he is back on the bench...almost forgotten.i feel sad for the player sometimes,especially for players like phil neville because i know for them its not so much about the big bucks and glamour but to be able to play for the club they love.so as the first team gets stronger,he becomes a forgotten figure and eventually makes a move to everton.

guess i can really empathise with him.called upon and really believed in making it and finally able to get that elusive thing but i guess just like him,the first team is back and i am just another benchwarmer.it doesnt matter how much i enjoyed wat i was doing like phil did,sometimes i guess its time to move on and move on i hope i will be able to.

haha..guess i can relate anything to football because it is still my only true love in my live.thats sad huh.for wat am i doing all these for?just like phil...for wat is he training so hard for when he knows the result will be a place on the bench.happy for him that he made the move to everton.

when will my everton come?

posted by haoz @ 1/11/2006 11:35:00 PM 0 comments

Monday, January 09, 2006

feeling fucked

i feel fucked.havent been feeling fucked for some time but this time i just feel so fucked.things on my mind are kinda affecting me and with the new sem already upon me i'd better sort things out quickly.

i guess normally when i am fucked i dont really show it cause i dont want pple to know i am fucked-up.i just go on smiling and cracking my lame jokes and eating my chow and oogling at pretty girls but who the hell am i lying to cause when i am fucked,the jokes are stupid(somehow thats normal),the chow are tasteless and the pretty girls i am oogling at dont seem that pretty somehow but i still do so in order to make myself feel less fucked...to sort things out.i guess its just my way of running away from this reality of mine.

speaking to ah kow the other day.the only guy within our grp of four who have yet to be attached(though he's been close and was fucked too).we spent alot of times talking about our love life or rather the lack of it(kinda neglected my friends when i was attached but now i guess i'd know better) after my breakup in april of 04 and he pointed out that it was not too long ago that i said that i had come to terms with singlehood and how i said i was enjoying every minute of it.no one to be responsible to,no one to be committed to,to be able to lead a free and easy life.i pondered for a moment of his words which were spot on but managed to come up with this reply.

"her appearance in my life has made me long for a relationship once more..."

we both fell silent for a while and kept it that way while waiting for ken to try on his clothes.we look at the clothes on the racks or rather pretend to look at them or maybe its just me but i am pretty sure he has something of the same agenda on his mind as well.

i guess thats why i am fucked because the feeling of longing is just fucked up.like knowing that something is there for you to get but no matter how much u try to get it,the ball is not in your court.
and i know that i am fucked because the ball is either punctured or i am having diarrohoa from eating too many tasteless stuff and having to be contented with clearing my bowels while others are playing ball outside.

currently reading this book called "jarhead".its about the life of a marine or jarhead in the USMC(United States Marines Corp)thru the eyes of a former marine and it contains many nice lines to put down as a worthy msn nick but this one just made me sit up and take attention.its about his friend from one of his first units and the girl he has back home.

"...nothing mattered to him in the world except loving his girl......i want to love like that"

shit!why i am writing this?omg!now i am truly fucked!

what the hell...my food better start tasting better soon

posted by haoz @ 1/09/2006 05:16:00 PM 0 comments

Saturday, January 07, 2006

we are one...marching on...we are the young defenders of this country...moving on we believe..that we can achieve...so let us serve our home Singapore

alot of people have been asking me why i am so into my NS life and why do i keep talking about it.

well,the answer is simple,i am a military junkie by heart.

yes,i do find life serving national service a tad boring and sian sometimes and i admit that i always have the words "ORD LOH!" on my lips but i do feel a deep sense of satisfaction and pride having done national service and serving in the military because i am a military junkie by heart.

why am i one?its because my daddy was a soldier and since a very young age i have been listening to his stories about his military career.his adventures with the elephant and how one cant eat burnt rice when wounded,if not the bleeding would not stop(not scientifically proven!) are just some of the many stories he shared with me.It deeply inspired me to become a soldier.i love to play with guns and rifles but only the wooden flat type which my dad makes for me instead of the toys that make the "tatata" sounds but it was still fun nonetheless with me terrorising any visitors to the house with my "weapon".

i decided to join the ncc in sec sch as it is military based.i was actually lured into it as the teacher in charge came and talked to us about it and the words "you will get to shoot a real rifle" just proved to tempting to resist.i only found out after i joined that one can only touch the weapon once a year but nonetheless,i had fun during my 4 years as a ncc cadet.it was actually the best times of my life when i was a ncc cadet.the camaraderie forged was the best one can ever ask for.i remember the days when we would be doing push ups under the hot afternoon sun on the blistering road,the countless times when i would have sweat in my eyes but not dare to move to clear it.it was bloody painful and irritating but somehow the mentality and attitude of everyone then was just great as we think about the rest of the platoon first instead of ourselves.

however,at the end of secondary school life,i have to move on but the experience in ncc only convince me further that the army is meant for me.

jc saw me having relatively little contact with the military.however,life in the military also came closer than ever before in jc and before i could say sedia i was enlisted for national service.

well...ns days are just ns days...enjoyed myself tremendously and i shall not talk about it here because its just 2 long too long to talk about.so sebastian,u want stories,u have to come and ask me yourself but dont worry,i will always remember you as my "twin brother" in bmt...hahaha.

however,it was in the army too that i saw the ugly side of it.a lot of wayang-ing and no action.men that are supposed to be defending the nation acting like they need the nation to defend them.people in the service just for the perks and not for the pride and joy of being a soldier.i really dont know how many of these generals and colonels will grab a weapon and fight with their men when a war breaks out or will they grab their suitcase and run to another country.all these left me very disillusioned with our army and the passion to become a soldier faded with every new day that passes by.

but till this day,i am still a militart person by heart.i dig war movies and great battle scenes.my favourite movie would be blackhawk down(though its american propaganda).

now u know why i keep talking about the army and my ns life...so pls stop asking me why ok!

posted by haoz @ 1/07/2006 03:33:00 AM 0 comments

Thursday, January 05, 2006

cant believe its been 21 years already

its 1.01 am on a thursday morning and i am listening to some matchbox 20. i was laying on my bed 5 mins ago with many thoughts running through my mind and i had a sudden urge to just blog it all down.so i sat down in front of my comp and started on some deep stuff but found myself deleting everything away after just 2 lines before deciding on this. it has been an interesting life for me so far.only child to my parents and borned into a not so well off middle class family,i realised early on that i can't have everything that other kids have.i cant have that pencil case with a 101 compartments,that soccer ball that would make me popular in school or that nice watch that has a million functions.life was simple and life was alrite and although i have asked why and cried over toys that i didnt have,i never blamed my parents before because i guess i knew deep down inside that i don't really need it.

in primary school i was never a obedient kid.i am a average student and my grades are also just kinda average.i love to talk and i often gotten punished for it.loved my maths until alphabets started to appear in maths and in pri 4 i landed myself in the class of a disciplinarian of a teacher and that began 3 years of hell for me.lack of effort and motivation often meant that my homework would pile up and doing homework till the wee hours of the morning became a common occurence for me.as a 10 year old, i couldnt understand why,i began hating life and i began hating school.i began to play truant and on one fine monday morning,i got the worst whacking of my life from my father.one that left me with scars for weeks and one that saw me literally being dragged out of my bed,to the car ,dragged out of the car and to the classroom,still being whacked and in front of all my classmates.i hated my parents then for putting me thru so much pain.i kept asking why cant they see that i am just not fucking school material and why must they force me thru this.now,i thank my dad for whacking me the way he did that day and dragging me to school.i appreciate that dad.that was also the last time he whacked me.

i went to secondary school and i became slightly more motivated to study but my playfulness still got the better of me.as a result,i screwed up my results.but i just couldnt feel guilt or remorse until my teacher wanted to see my mom.i remembered the look on my mom's face when mrs lee passed her my report book...class position:39/39. mom didnt say much after that but i knew that she was hurt and deeply disappointed with her only son and all she said to me was that my future is mine and mine alone and no one else can shape it for me.that was then i realised i cannot bear to see my mom like that again.sec 3 onwards i decided to buck up,however,due to bad foundation i still cant do my maths and had to drop amaths.things began to pick up from then on and the appearance of a few really caring and dedicated teachers just made it better.thank you miss tan and thank you miss choy and thank you mr chia.i will always remember u guys.thank you mom.

during that 4 years in secondary school,i found myself wanting to know more girls but since i came from a all boys school it was pretty difficult.somehow,a few of my friends always managed to pick up girls from god knows where.they tell me the trick is to sit at hougang mall food court and approach the girl u fancy and just make small talk and success rate is at 70%.deep down inside i wanted to do so,but i am just too bloody shy to do so and thus,i have never tried wat my friends taught me.the introduction of irc to me was thus a god send.hi...intro pls? became my tagline for 2 years and i guess i was alot comfortable talking to girls behind a screen but i must claarify that i have never provided any false information about myself.come to think of it now,i guess it was pretty silly and dumb but back then,as talkative as i maybe,the moment u put a girl in front of me i will be tongue tied and will be hoping the earth swallow me up.so i went thru my secondary school days without knowing alot of girls but still enjoyed my days in a all boys school.playing soccer and magic cards.

i guess i am tired right now...will continue this life story another time

posted by haoz @ 1/05/2006 01:01:00 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Gong Xi Fa Cai!!!...shit...wrong new year

so...

we are in 2006,a new year,a new beginning for all.kinda sucky though cause school starting and all but still wat the heck.

was at china one in clarke quay on new year's eve and was it a great party.great booze,great band,great dj,even greater friends but spoilt by kinda expensive and not so nice food.

and so..after all these...

2 pints of erdinger
2 glasses of wine
1 waterfall
1 god-knows-wat-it-is shooter that literally burnt my tongue and throat because my waterfall didnt light up
2 asahis

the party truly began.we sang like nobody's business and we danced like nobody's business even though its not a club.who the hell needs mos and their freaking long queue why u got china one and great friends.guess those pple at mos just dont see the point that its not good to start the new year queueing up.also,buoyed by the fact that Man U thrashed bolton 4-1,the party seemed to have more purpose too.

the usual thrash talking and crap off loading came fast and furious.laughter and thigh slapping was the order of the night.photographs were taken and i look stupid in some of them...ok...all of them and just wanna thank mr dj for dishing out so many mambo tunes that we didnt regret not going to mambo jambo at expo.

and when we left,at 330,pple are still trying to get into mos...stupid idiots i think...give it up!sashayed our butts down to liang court macs and boy ws it crowded but we managed to get a seat and i had my usual sausage mcmuffin with egg meal for breakfast at 330.haha.the night ended on kinda a lousy mood cause we couldnt get a freaking cab and it was only at 530 that we got one after walking all the way from clarke quay to city hall.

in the end,it was a great night which i enjoyed alot.one of the best nye i've ever had(the best was still the one at suntec fountain man).so just wanna thank ah kow,ken,risshe,audrey and dewei for making it such a wonderful night.u guys rock!!!

anyway,spent the whole of new year's day rotting and sleeping at home.caught a few shows on tv but that was pretty much all i did.haha.then slept early for my dental appointment at 9 the next morning.so i woke up at 830,made my way down to the clinic at 850 for the nurse to tell me that they screwed up my appointment %$#@%*(^(%#@ .so i rushed home for my soccer at 10 and realised i have no shoes to play with(all in hall).thus called kow and thankfully he managed to find one thats my size(thanks bro).so reached bedok at 10 and ate carrot cake and drank soya bean before makin our way to the court.so i played soccer at a pee-contaminated(asshole!use a toilet) court with my friends...their friends...friends of their friends...and some neighbourhood kids.it was enjoyable, the simple life that i used to have last time but due to time constraints nowadays,its hard to arrange for one.

ok...so i rushed back to hall after soccer to bath and changed and met up with jess who just got back from aust.ate kfc for lunch(something i craved for for damn long already) and watched narnia had dinner and came back to hall after that.she gave me this straw from aust that transform normal milk to chocolate milk when u drink it.its basically a straw with chocolate balls inside and u just have to put it in milk and drink and u get chocolate milk in your mouth.pretty cool huh.

anyway...ended the day playing need for speed with jingx in mf's room and woke up to bid and realised i cant bid cause its still not open for gems and breadths.so here i am blogging.

happy new year pple!

posted by haoz @ 1/03/2006 09:57:00 AM 0 comments