cant believe its been 21 years already
its 1.01 am on a thursday morning and i am listening to some matchbox 20. i was laying on my bed 5 mins ago with many thoughts running through my mind and i had a sudden urge to just blog it all down.so i sat down in front of my comp and started on some deep stuff but found myself deleting everything away after just 2 lines before deciding on this. it has been an interesting life for me so far.only child to my parents and borned into a not so well off middle class family,i realised early on that i can't have everything that other kids have.i cant have that pencil case with a 101 compartments,that soccer ball that would make me popular in school or that nice watch that has a million functions.life was simple and life was alrite and although i have asked why and cried over toys that i didnt have,i never blamed my parents before because i guess i knew deep down inside that i don't really need it.in primary school i was never a obedient kid.i am a average student and my grades are also just kinda average.i love to talk and i often gotten punished for it.loved my maths until alphabets started to appear in maths and in pri 4 i landed myself in the class of a disciplinarian of a teacher and that began 3 years of hell for me.lack of effort and motivation often meant that my homework would pile up and doing homework till the wee hours of the morning became a common occurence for me.as a 10 year old, i couldnt understand why,i began hating life and i began hating school.i began to play truant and on one fine monday morning,i got the worst whacking of my life from my father.one that left me with scars for weeks and one that saw me literally being dragged out of my bed,to the car ,dragged out of the car and to the classroom,still being whacked and in front of all my classmates.i hated my parents then for putting me thru so much pain.i kept asking why cant they see that i am just not fucking school material and why must they force me thru this.now,i thank my dad for whacking me the way he did that day and dragging me to school.i appreciate that dad.that was also the last time he whacked me.
i went to secondary school and i became slightly more motivated to study but my playfulness still got the better of me.as a result,i screwed up my results.but i just couldnt feel guilt or remorse until my teacher wanted to see my mom.i remembered the look on my mom's face when mrs lee passed her my report book...class position:39/39. mom didnt say much after that but i knew that she was hurt and deeply disappointed with her only son and all she said to me was that my future is mine and mine alone and no one else can shape it for me.that was then i realised i cannot bear to see my mom like that again.sec 3 onwards i decided to buck up,however,due to bad foundation i still cant do my maths and had to drop amaths.things began to pick up from then on and the appearance of a few really caring and dedicated teachers just made it better.thank you miss tan and thank you miss choy and thank you mr chia.i will always remember u guys.thank you mom.
during that 4 years in secondary school,i found myself wanting to know more girls but since i came from a all boys school it was pretty difficult.somehow,a few of my friends always managed to pick up girls from god knows where.they tell me the trick is to sit at hougang mall food court and approach the girl u fancy and just make small talk and success rate is at 70%.deep down inside i wanted to do so,but i am just too bloody shy to do so and thus,i have never tried wat my friends taught me.the introduction of irc to me was thus a god send.hi...intro pls? became my tagline for 2 years and i guess i was alot comfortable talking to girls behind a screen but i must claarify that i have never provided any false information about myself.come to think of it now,i guess it was pretty silly and dumb but back then,as talkative as i maybe,the moment u put a girl in front of me i will be tongue tied and will be hoping the earth swallow me up.so i went thru my secondary school days without knowing alot of girls but still enjoyed my days in a all boys school.playing soccer and magic cards.
i guess i am tired right now...will continue this life story another time
posted by haoz @ 1/05/2006 01:01:00 AM
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