Memoirs of a confused mind

posted by haoz @ 4/30/2005 05:41:00 PM 0 comments

posted by haoz @ 4/29/2005 11:13:00 AM 0 comments

just saw something tts super gross on tv...sth fear factor will be proud of...

"and for desert,we have....froggy milkshake"

tts is freaking gross,and for a milkshake and smoothie lover like me,its doubly gross.They took a live frog and just dropped it into he blender and started blending.Sick!

Went to ah kow's house to watch american history X today and boy was it good.I know that its abit the late but like they say...better late than never.Its just such a good show with great acting.Choked on the apple strudel i was eating just now...twice,cant believe that.

Thank heavens chelsea didnt beat liverpool and for the first time in my life i will be hoping liverpool wins just so that chelsea wont prevail cause i really really hate them.

Ah kow finally got his blog up(the link is to the right) after so long.And after thinking for a suitable name for it for so freaking long,he named it...ahkow35.blogspot.com.

Nothing spectacular
nothing special
nothing thought provoking...just plain ol' ah kow 35....wasted all my brain juice helping him think of one...but at least it sounds better than grannylove.blogspot.com i guess.

Well...heres a song that i kinda like lately...so here r the lyrics to it....its by michael buble by the way...

"Home"

Another summer day

Is come and gone away

In Paris and Rome

But I wanna go home

Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel all alone

I just wanna go home

Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you

Each one a line or two

“I’m fine baby, how are you?”

Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough

My words were cold and flat

And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane

Another sunny place

I’m lucky I know

But I wanna go home

Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home

I’m just too far from where you are

I wanna come home



I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life

It’s like I just stepped outside

When everything was going right

And I know just why you could not

Come along with me

But this was not your dream

But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come

And gone away

And even Paris and Rome

And I wanna go home

Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel alone

Oh, let go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home

I’ve had my run

Baby, I’m doneI gotta go home

Let me go homeIt will all right

I’ll be home tonight

I’m coming back home

posted by haoz @ 4/28/2005 06:56:00 PM 0 comments

Waiting for u...
Extremely hot...
Dateless...
No money...
Extremely extremely hot...
Sianz...
Drop dead ugly...
Aimless...
Yikes!

So that pretty much sums up my wednesday,the 27th of April.was around town area the whole afternoon,had a really nice pasta lunch.walked around aimlessly and met pple we know.walked around more aimlessly till dinner time and tts it.

My life so far recently...aimless...very aimless

posted by haoz @ 4/27/2005 08:36:00 PM 0 comments

Managed to finish my tuesdays with Haoz post before wednesday.haha.its a really really hot hot day today.went down to nus today for my med check up and the x-ray pple so attitude and rude.went down to tm to watch 'wet dreams' after that.It is a freaking funny show which i recommend.Especially those from a boys school...it is a must watch.other than that i think theres nuthin much just that everyone is complainin of how hot it is,including myself.Rain leh.

Oh...something freaky happened today.I was taking my weight during the med check up and my weight is..66.6kg.even the guy who took my wt was shocked.time to gain some wt fast for it to become 66.9;)

posted by haoz @ 4/27/2005 12:00:00 AM 0 comments

tuesdays with Haoz....Chapter 3:"Wet dreams"

before u get the wrong idea about this week's topic and not read on, "wet dreams" is a show that i watched today.It is about 4 high sch boys and their sexual fantasy about their new trainee teacher. However one of them falls in love with the teacher who actually like the form teacher of the boys' class. So in the end, he was the one who brought the 2 of them together.

It reached me,and i think it reached everyone else in the theater i guess.Not the sexual part(but they were funny),but the romance part.

So i guess i write on courtship then....cause its the most innocent and sweetest part of love...

I guess all of us were 17 once and remember when we had a crush on that girl or that boy(for the gals).How we tried to see that person as often as possible and but just nv had the courage to go up and confess yr feelings.(this does not apply to those who go out and talk to every girl they meet).The angst and the agony felt,the little ways that u tried to hint.

How much paper was wasted to write that perfect letter to her? and how much time too?the time that was meant for studying was spent writing that letter.In the end,it ends up kept in yr own drawer because u didnt know wat to do when u see her and start running for a place to hide.The innocence of it all just made it so much sweeter.After some time,other things takes up the place that person once had in yr life and u moved on.Realising that she has already become the gf of someone who had more testicular fortitude than u.U laughed at yrself but gets on with life because thats how it was,sweet and innocent with endless misery and agony,but sweet nevertheless.

maybe there could be a time where somehow or rather u managed to find the courage(maybe after a dew vodka shots) to ask her out and somehow or rather, she agrees.
after the jumping for joy,u pick out yr finest clothes and for the first time in yr life spend 2 hrs grooming yrself b4 going out.
More often than not...it rains and u kick yrself for not having an umbrella and
more often than not...the girl will have one and
more often than not...its a really small one(cause its not meant for 2 person)
so both of u walk in the rain and though theres a sheltered pathway,the 2 of u strangely would prefer to huddle together under the small little umbrella and walk in the rain,getting stares from the aunties and uncles nearby who thinks u 2 r mad.

every thought that u have is of the person after that first date.Hoping it will rain again the next time u ask her out.So fuelled by the success of the first date, u ask her out again.So second date becomes third date and so on and so forth.u start to do things that yr friends will say are crazy,like going to her place to accompany her to school everyday,rain or shine.It doesnt matter if u live 5 mins from sch and she lives a god half hr away.U just do it.waking up an hr earlier and go down to wait for her.

Courtship ends either when u r rejected or when the relationship blossoms into a steady one.
Either way,there is no need to get too depressed and upset or too happy and elated.

Even if u r rejected it means that u r not meant to be with her and that yr right one is still out there waiting for u.

Even if the elationship turns steady,problems are bound to arise and sometimes love can easily turn into hate.How do u think divorce occurs.

but watever it is...growing up makes things more complicated.The sweet innocence of 17 will remain a memory, a memory worth holding onto for.

posted by haoz @ 4/26/2005 10:08:00 PM 0 comments

irritating day...

well...let mi announce that i am officially outta job as of today. Main reason is that there were so conflicts between myself and my co-workers and some unpleasant emails were flying around office and to avoid anymore unhappiness between everybody, i decided to quit and they were also happy to let mi go.so at least i left without much bitter taste in the mouth and shook hands with everyone b4 i left.

today is an irritating day cause i was stuck with brian the whole day. not that its a bad day,it was actually a pretty good day with a good friend, but anyday with brian is irritating.so imagine in jc when everyday is irritating day.went to swim at his house and imagine 2 guys in the pool at 11am doing stupid things,like trg "his headers", and my failed attempt at doing some diving...hahaha.played some stupid street soccer game after that and got trashed by him 19-7 i think...but i din really care and oh yah...COMMANDOS ARE CRAZY.they had to wear red beret even when stripping pple...so there was this guy in the pic who was totally naked except for the red beret.

queensway was our desti in the afternoon and though we din buy anything, i went to the toilet twice due to my diarrhoea.so the whole day was spent controlling and releasing,if u get what i mean.and dun worry brian,nuthin happened in the car.

well...tt pretty much concluded irritating day,nuthin against yah brian...i am just being 'one legged' again..haha...and alex...i dunno also

posted by haoz @ 4/25/2005 09:02:00 PM 0 comments

a weekend that is the same as every other weekend...

finished jammin on friday nite and personally, i think its not that bad but risshe kept saying we r nt tight enuff(watever tt means),but seriously it was alrite.
drove down to siglap for supper but everywhere is closed and those not closed are pretty out of budget so decided to go down to alishan for porridge and te ka(pig trotters) and it was lovely.
woke up saturday morning to discover i just lost my job...so pretty much on a hunt for a new job now. Anyone wanna hire me??bloody hot day it was,sweating the whole time at home. Went swimming in the afternoon and boy was it tiring,then went down fareast to get a new haircut,too tired to go anywhere after tt really so went home and fell asleep at the comp.
sunday is just sunday...woke up...ate...sleep...woke up again...jogging...dinner...tv...online...and tts wat i am doing now...

so u see, its a pretty boring weekend...moral of the story...

....dun be like me...

posted by haoz @ 4/24/2005 08:11:00 PM 1 comments

Just some interesting facts i encountered today
1.35% of the people using personal ads for dating are already married!
2.President George W. Bush was once a cheerleader!
3.Karate actually originated in India, but was developed further in China.
4.People who ride on roller coasters have a higher chance of having a blood clot in the brain.
5.In ancient England a person could not have sex unless you had consent of the King.
6.Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team his sophomore year.
7.There are more fatal car accidents in July than any other month.
8.In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch or clock is usually 10:10.
9.The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off.
10.Babies that are breastfed are more likely to be slimmer as adults than those that are not breastfed.
11.One in three male motorists picks their nose while driving.
12.40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
13.Car airbags kill 1 person for every 22 lives that they save.
14.A group of officers is called a mess.
15.More than 2,500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people.
16.Babies are born without knee caps.
17.The first patented condom was meant to be reused!
18.Unlike dogs, pigs, and some other mammals, humans cannot taste water. They taste only the chemicals and impurities in the water.
19.Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women.
20.The smallest human penis ever recorded was just 5/8 of an inch long!
21.Identify a fake: The second hand on an authentic Rolex watch doesn't tick, it moves smoothly.
22.The average person spends three years of his or her life on a toilet.
23.All Humans Are 99.9% Genetically Identical and 98.4% of human genes are the same as the genes of a chimpanzee.
24.Mosquitoes are attracted to the color blue twice as much as any other color.
25.In just about every species of mammal, the female lives longer than the male.
26.The world’s youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
27.The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
28.Women end up digesting most of the lipstick they apply.
29.23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.
30.Left-handed people are better at sports that require good spatial judgment and fast reaction, compared to right-handed individuals.
31.A toothbrush within 6 feet of a toilet can get airborne bacteria from flushing.
32.China has more English speakers than the United States.
33.To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs. It will let you go instantly.
34.From a complete stop, a human is capable of outrunning a Formula One Racecar for about 30 feet!
35.The storage capacity of human brain exceeds 4 Terrabytes.
36.Women buy four out of every 10 condoms sold.
37.Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
38.In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
39.Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
40.If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
41.1/3 of Taiwanese funeral processions include a stripper.
42.A person infected with the SARS virus, has a 95-98% chance of recovery.
43.A jiffy is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. Thus the saying, I will be there in a jiffy.
44.You share your birthday with at least 9 other million people in the world.

posted by haoz @ 4/22/2005 09:00:00 AM 0 comments

posted by haoz @ 4/21/2005 10:21:00 PM 1 comments

Hungry hungry.Ate duck rice + or jian + tang yuan for dinner. Company actually threatened to terminate my contract, saying my performance not up to standard. Guess wat, i am also very sian so be my guest. Tired of working under a super kan cheong spider. Saw alot of pple in nus today, alot of pple i know but didnt call out to them.just got a 'i am still not nus' feeling and that everyone gives me the same look they give the prc pple,who cant pee properly,that work in the same building as me,unfortunately.

Its mugging season,everyone is mugging,pri sch,sec sch,jc,uni...i haven't mugged for a long long time liaoz.The last theory test i mugged for was my advanced theory and i really wouldnt call that mugging, so dunno how to survive uni life. nv been a mugger ever but by the looks of things have to start learning to do so...

bad day i suppose,living it out unnoticed still,like the every other face on the train.PM Chen?it might just happen...

posted by haoz @ 4/21/2005 10:21:00 PM 0 comments

Peepz...i would appreciate if u guys can leave some comments on the blog, good or bad its ok...so tt i noe how to mprove it...thank you.

posted by haoz @ 4/21/2005 11:55:00 AM 1 comments

Ironies of Life...sh*t happens when...

1.u got a date with the girl of your dreams.u spend 2hrs grooming yrself and putting on yr best clothes.On yr way to meet her, u feel a rumble in yr stomach and the crap is fast heading towards south park.u search high and low for a toilet but u just couldn't find one.Just before the sh*t hits yr pants, u find a toilet and take the best ever crap u ever had in yr whole life and realised there is no toilet paper.

2.u got a date with the girl of your dreams.u spend 2hrs grooming yrself and putting on yr best clothes.On yr way to meet her, u feel a rumble in yr stomach and the crap is fast heading towards south park.u search high and low for a toilet but u just couldn't find one.u shit in your pants.

3.U have trained hard for many months for the upcoming canoeing competition.u can feel the glory so close to you and the competition is only 2 weeks away. u break your hand playing soccer.

4.Its 5pm on a saturday afternoon,u just booked out from camp wearing long sleeve shirt, business pants and leather shoes. U r late in meeting your gf and she is nagging thru sms. Its raining cats and dogs and u r drenched from walking to the bus stop.U tell the guys on the bus yr plight and the need to get a cab fast once yr reach the main road.The bus stops,u see a cab, one of the guys who was listening to u run past u, got the cab and waved goodbye....it is still raining.

5.U r released from prison after serving 20 yrs for a crime u did not commit. You stand outside the gates of changi prison breathing in the freshness of freedom.u get knocked down by a car and die.

6.u get struck by lightning.

7.U crash your new car the first time drive it.

8.Yr new house burns down the first day u moved in.

9.The girl of yr dream is a lesbian.

10.The guy of yr dreams is a gay.

11.U r leading 1-0 since the sixth minute in the european cup final and its into injury time of 3 mins. yr opponent scores 2 goals in that 3 mins and u lose.

12.U slide in for an open goal, miss,u hit the post and yr shin splits open.

13.u organised a football match between yr jc soccer khakis.u waited for the day for a long long time already.it arrives and the weather is perfect, everyone is on time and everyone is raring to go. Nobody brought the ball.

14.U have been out injured for months and finally u make yr comeback tonight, in the starting 11 no less.U play for 20 mins,got injured again and will be out for another few weeks.

15.U choke on beancurd and suffocate.

16.The girl/guy of yr dreams fall for yr best friend.

17.The girl/guy of yr dreams fall for yr worst enemy.

18.Singapore wins the world cup.

19.u cleaned yr weapon all night before the battle.u go into battle full of confidence, u target an enemy soldier and u take aim. u got him locked in yr sight and feels that he is so dead. U squeeze the trigger and the round got jammed.it leads to a chamber explosion and it blows up yr face.

20.u come from a military family.u started wearing green since 2 yrs old.U join the ncc as a preview to NS and become a top ncc cadet.u dream of becoming a commmando.u get posted to the police force and cycle around the neighbourhood.

21.U r 1hr away from going back to camp after a 3 day outfield exercise. Everything had gone smoothly and without much problems. u r operating a boat and u drop into the water while doing something stupid, losing yr phone and nearly yr life in the process.

22.u step on a landmine.

23.u r leading yr platoon attacking a hill, the battle seemed won but u want to win in style,loud with fireworks. u throw a grenade up, it rolls down and kills u.

24.u hear a enemy vehicle coming, u jump into the bushes to take cover.u landed on dog poo.

25.u r lost,tired,wet,cold,hungry and frustrated on a mountain in brunei.u drop yr left boot into a rabbit hole.

26.u get killed by friendly fire.

27.u threw the pin and dropped the grenade.

28.u play soccer for the first time in yr life and u got whacked in the b*lls.

29.yr number is the top prize in the 4D draw.yr wife/husband/friend forgot to buy the number.

30.u scrimp and u save so that u can bring yr family on a holiday cruise for the first time in yr family history. The name of yr cruise is the "Titanic".

31.u meet denise keller for the first time and pronounce yr favourite band as de-pa-chey mode.

32.u didn't zip up the whole day.

33.the kid u used to bully in school becomes yr boss.

34.u r finishing the report which u have worked on for 2 whole days never saving it once.a power failure occurs.

35.u discover yr son of 15yrs is not yours.

36.u r walking with a group of friends, the bird chooses to crap on u.

37.u discover yr daughter's secret life as a porn star.

38.u fall asleep in the bathtub and drowns.

39.u r pitching in a baseball game and the batter hits the ball back straight into yr face.

40.u just brought a wrx and eager to speed but discover a kid in the neighbourhood cycling faster than yr car is going(due to the traffic lights).

41.the sunny weather starts to rain the moment u step out of the building.

42.u forgot to pack underwear for a camping trip.

43.u walked into the wrong toilet full of people inside.

44.u have yr licence for less than a month and u get into an accident which is not yr fault.

45.u r playing soccer during pe and u shoot hard,very hard.the ball hits the girl of yr dreams in the face.

46.yr parachute fails.

47.yr spare too.

48.yr bungee cord breaks.

49.yr bungee cord is too long.

50.Your name is Chen Zhihao and your birthdate is the 19th of November 1984.

posted by haoz @ 4/21/2005 08:35:00 AM 1 comments

pretty cheesed off today...

1. Lemuel tt ass keep dun wanna tell mi sth interesting , make mi so bloody curious but never tell mi.

2. Somebody posted on her blog that singapore guys are useless, worthless, cannot compare to ang mohs, have small d*cks and basically screwed up. (will write a full feature on this tmr, check out this space soon)

3. Freaking co-worker got MC again, leaving mi to clean up the shit. Haha but manged to smoke out awhile and went slackin. But she came in the afternoon though and took back her shit. So spent the whole afternoon slackin. People on msn will know.

4. Just bad mood. Today seems like a weird day. So un-wednesday, feels more like weirdnesday instead.

5. tired(wats new)

Ok...these r the things tt cheesed mi off today. A good performance from united later can change it.HaH. Other than that, its just another mundane shitty day where nuthin exciting happens NUS people all look like zombies(argh...gonna look like tt soon), exams is scary sia, worse than any monster or ghost i supposed, all look like half dead. Saw donny at nus canteen with some cute girl..haha, but can only admire and envy while i go back to my to my reality where i am a nobody.Maybe i shud take up priesthood, become the first asian pope or sth. Or maybe go into politics.Promised ah kow if i make PM...i'll have to make him my minister of defence(no problem bro)hahaha.Listening to class 95 now as i am writing this, pretty good songs being played but making mi bloody sleepy...*yawnz*

posted by haoz @ 4/20/2005 10:02:00 PM 0 comments

Some guys get lucky, they get talent spotted, they get good fun jobs, and they get to know more people.........me?i am the kinda guy that birds love to take a crap on...

posted by haoz @ 4/19/2005 10:11:00 PM 0 comments

Since the implementation of the Enlistment Act of 1967( I think). Many of the male population here in Singapore have gone thru a rite of passage the ministers call 'National Service' or 'NS" for short. Most of us will go to serve in the SAF ( which has many affectionate names given to it e.g. 'Serve And F*ck-off' ), some will go to become policemen and some will end up in the civil defence. So after 'A' Levels, my cohort of boys then with varying hairstyles and colour were packed off to different places to be trained as soldiers, to become a lean mean killing machine. The journey would last for 2 yrs and 2mths and while we suffered in there, the girls in our cohort would have gone onto university and have a 2 years head start ahead of us.

And so I began my journey on a tuesday morning more than 2yrs back, on the 21st of January 2003, a tuesday very much like today, bright sunny morning and a slight breeze in the air. Already, I am counting down to a day that's 788 days away, and I believe I am not alone in doing that. So on a island off the north-eastern coast of Singapore, I bid farewell to my parents and my then girlfriend and embarked on a rollercoaster ride that would have a huge impact on my life because of some of the experiences and lessons which I went thru and thus would like to share it with everyone.

"Here we go..oo..oooooo, Here we go..oo..oooooo, day and night while we're sleeping, (Fill in unit or formation here) warriors come up creeping all around, round round, HERE WE GO!"

1. Advertisements on the MRT and buses - An almost perfectly opposite reflection of the real army.

Many of you must have seen the many advertisement the ministry of defence have put up all over Singapore. 'Not for fame or fortune' or 'Commanding respect, respecting command' and my personel favourite, ' The mud on my face is soil, our soil'. They never fail to crack me up whenever I see them and while I see many other people look at them in admiration (schoolgirls, schoolboys ,JC punks, ah gong and ah ma) I also see many others that gives a knowing smirk like me when they see the adverts and I know they are also the so called sons of Singapore. This is because we know that the adverts are so far away form the truth
and the truth as we know it is listed below.

a. Ad: Most of the people in the adverts look strong and fit and muscular, full of passion and aggression and a willing heart to defend the nation.
Truth: Most of the people have a slight or visible tummy, grimaces at the thought of a run, sleep at every possible opportunity available. Report sick for various ailments when training is scheduled.
Remember an incident where I was visiting my friend at the army open house and was in the same tonner( the affectionate term for the SAF truck which ferries soldiers around) with the visitors. We were stopped at this so called checkpoint and some clowns came out to run around ( yea, they call that a performance) and the guide was telling everyone that SAF is a always vigilant and alert force, however, on the other side of the road, at the 100m rifle range, an SAF unit was having their ATP and the soldiers who were not shooting were sleeping in every position possible. Across the floor, on the bench, you on me, me on you, you on me and I on him...so on and so forth. It was really embarrasing when someone actually pointed that out but I guess that is as real as the SAF can get.
Conclusion: I heard they got models from who have a good body, pay them an obscence amount of money to shoot the ad.

b. Ad: The Ads shows people rapelling down helicopters, shooting from tanks, playing with big guns and have a soldier show them a satisfied face.
Truth: The ads shows only the glam and fun aspect of soldiering. The sad truth is, you hardly fire anything other than blanks. You fire for one minute and you will be spending the weekend cleaning the weapon up and that s the real deal and does the ads feature the combat engineers where I belong to...NO!!why? because we are not glam, we do the dirty work, we carry the heavy stuff and hardly fire anything, in short, we are the bangla workers of the army. Anything about us in the ads would turn any boy with hopes of being a soldier off immediately. That is why so little is known about the combat engineers because we are not glamourous not the commandos or the armour troops.
Conclusion: Nobody wants to be an engineer.

Therefore, if you want the real deal, just look at the ad and think opposite.

2. Bang bang bang!

Has it ever occured to anyone that almost half the population have knowledge on weapons that could killed and maybe 30 to 40 per cent of that group have knowledge on more than 1 weapon. I myself learnt to use 7 weapons. All are lethal. Also, i have basic knowledge on the use of explosives, so if given the right materials, I could have easily blow up any place.

Does that make me dangerous?Does it make me wanting to get our hands on our weapons and go out to satisfy our wild side?The answer is a flat no. In fact, I really do not want to see those bloody weapons of mine, the longer I don't see it or touch it, the better.

Why so?

Of course when I shoot, I feel good because its fun. All the bang bang bang. But wat happens after that? The more I bang, the more clean, the more i clean, the more tiring i get, the more tiring i get, the more i rest, the more i rest, the less i clean, the less i clean, the dirtier it gets, the dirtier it gets, the more confinement i will get.

Moral of the story?See less, touch less, use less, bang less, clean less, confinement less.

I think that is the way the army make its soldier learn that the weapon should only be used when only when needed and not to play around with by making it the thorn in our flesh.

3. Training is dangerous, take good care.

The army have implemented many safety policies over the past year or so due to the tragic death of a guardsman due to the sadistic nature and an obvious lack of intellect of a few commandos( wats new?). However, i can assure you that training is still pretty dangerous and if care is not taken, then prepare to break something or for a funeral.

I learnt this thru an real encounter. Section live firing in OCS, using live rounds which could kill. The day shoot for my section went smoothly without glitches. We were thus relaxed and confident for the night shoot. I was to be next to my section mate Andrew, who would be on my left, who was carrying a SAW( the section automatic weapon) then. Just before the shoot, i saw him fiddling with his laser aiming device, the same as those u see in the movies. Didnt really give it much thought then and so, we went into the firing, ready to execute our firing movements and shoot down the targets. We moved in leap and bound, which means alternate lanes will move forward first while the others provide cover fire. So it was my turn to move forward, running to wards my next cover around 30m away, i was halfway there when i heard a bullet whizz past my left ear, maybe less than a mete away. Even though i was wearing earplugs, the whizzing was loud, which means it was really really close. My immediate reaction was to prone immediately and crawl to the cover. Just as i hit the ground, i saw a tracer round(one that burns when fired giving out light) whizz past above me, thru where i was standing a second ago. So, if i hadn't prone down just in time, i wouldn't be here writing to you guys now. So, I confronted andrew after that and asked him wat happened. He told me his laser aiming device ran out of batteries and he had to use his iron sight(the one we use in the day)to aim. I told him to f*ck off because he couldn't see shit at night and he actually didn't sound out his laser aiming device was faulty. I told him he nearly killed me and he said sorry i i told him to f*ck off again cause if he had killed me, 1million sorrys wouldn't be enough. That is just one of the many dangers that the army has to offer, I nearly fell off a cliff in brunei, i nearly got disfigured by my friend.

My advice for everyone is that take good care in the army, life is precious and injury is detrimental. Especially those who have yet to enlist or those still in service now, get a insurance, aviva is a good choice, just wait for that idoit to come down to talk again. You never know where the next bullet is going to come from.

4. zzzZZZ...

Once read on friendster the profile of this girl, and in the about me column it reads..."...sleeps anywhere"(pls don't think astray). I would imagine her anywhere means lying on some table in some aircon room or on the floor under a fan.

For me, i dun claim i can sleep anywhere but i did slept in some funny places and positions before. I slept on mud, in tall grass, on a tomb, while walking( yep managed to do that).
It shows that when the body is physically and mentally drained out, it doesn't matter where you are, you just want to hit the sack.

Sleep is scarced during training, especially during exercises. After a whole day of running around, firefighting and building bridges, you just want to hit the sack at night. But more often than not, you can't. You have to have night training, they say. So after more fire fighting or building bridges, at night, you can finally rest, but not before setting up comms line,comms path, sentry briefing etc. So by the time u can go to sleep, u are a mere 2 hrs away from waking up. But nvm, time is not to be wasted, u dun even look for a comfortable spot, so be it a mud patch, ant nest, barb wire, snakes, tall grass, rocks, or other funny things, u dun really care. U lay down close yr eyes and u r gone. U dream of home, of your girlfriend, of the kfc meal u wanna devour when u book out when suddenly u feel a boot on your torso.

Buddy:"Wake up leh!your turn to be sentry liao...1/2 hr shift"
You:"Huh?So fast ah?"
Checks your watch and u r 1 and 1/2 hours from daylight.
Make your way slowly to the sentry post and keep watch. There are no enemies to really look out for, so u start to doze off. Suddenly, you hear a sound and you wake up with a jolt, because if u are caught sleeping on sentry, theres hell to pay. But its a false alarm. However, u feep yrself awake for half an hr and when the shift ended, you head back to the harbouring area, to your spot of tall grass and rocks and just fall asleep.

Thats why army boys always seemed so sleepy and tired. So girls, if u r reading this, this is wat yr boyfriend goes thru in the army, week in week out. So if they r late or dun spend enough time with u, pls be understanding.

5. Bon appetit!

Food in the army is notorious for is bad taste and dirty contents. But soldiers being sodiers, are always hungry and will devour every single grain of rice on the plate. And food quality have improved since the days of the army cooks, when yr rice all looked like ketupat and the dishes all taste the same. Now, SAF pays professional caterers to provide food to its hungry soldiers. On some days, the food really look so delicious, u cannot believe u r in the army. Come thursday, theres even ice-cream on the menu, much to the delight of everyone.

However, one kind of food will never change. It has struck fear down the spine of many a brave soldiers and are always met with disgusted expression everytime it is opened or eaten. It is the infamous combat ration.

It comes in a green packet that is easy to tear open. The words on the outside promise so much to the hungry soldiers, with contents like green curry rice, yellow rice and the infamous braised duck rice. However,upon opening it u feel like throwing it all away but tell yrself u r hungry and u must eat for the energy. A bite is all it takes for the hunger pangs to go away, it is truly magic.
Thats why field camps is the best way to lose weight. No need to go any slimming agencies and pay a huge sum to lose 3 kg in a week. I lost 7 in 7 days. 1 per day.

Wat do we do to the unfinished food? We tried to feed them to the starving dogs and assume they would finish it for us, but wat dayya know, the starving dogs took a sniff and walked away from it, never to come back again. Thats how repulsive it is. So we took our entrenching tools and dig a hole to bury the food. I guess if u go to Pulau Tekong now and dig all over the place, you will find buried, unfinished, untouched combat rations buried all over the island.

However, there will be a time in the 2 yrs that no matter how repulsive the food is, u just have to eat it. Hunger prevails and u realised that food is very very precious.

Remember during beaver venture( sounds like a fun school camp but is actually hell on earth).

13 of us in the group and had just finished our shelter, a wooden structure that resembles a shack. We hadn't rested the whole day, we hadn't eaten either and we have not enough food. 13 of us laid inside the shelter and we decided to eat. We took out a packet of combat ration and shared it. Each of us taking a small portion at a time so that the rest could have a share. The food was cold and grubby but no matter how repulsive I used to think combat ration is, or how cold it was, wat i had that night was the bestest tasting food i ever had. I wished i could finished the whole thing but i cant because the rest needs to eat too. We were so hungry, we tore open the whole packet and licked the inside of it, not wasting a single drop of sauce. Yes, u may say eeyyeww, so disgusting but at that time we didn't really care, and that was how hungry we were. For once, combat rations became guarded possessions and treated with respect.

Wat i learnt thru this episode is that hunger is a bitter and cold enemy. Waste food and regret it in future when u badly need it.

6. The army promotes creativity

Alot of people says that once u wear green, u cannot think and u become stupid. I say that is rubbish because army really helps promote creativity.

How?

Well, just look at some of the names and cheers soldiers have came up with.

SISPEC-Suffer In Silence Plus Extra Confinement

..and their cheer...

With pride we lead, got food we eat, got time we sleep, got training we report sick...SISPEC!

OCS-Only Clowns Survive

...just to name a few...

and wat about the countless army songs soldiers have came up with, some too explicit to be written here.

Watever it may be, these creations takes a creative and obviously very bored mind to be created.

On a more serious note, many ideas are generated each year by soldiers. These ideas become wits projects and are showcaesd to everyone. But actually, soldiers are forced to think of such ideas. But it shows that creativity is not stifled by wearing green.

7. Diplomatic ties

Lets say u have 2 guys who r neighbours since they were born. In front of everyone, theyare good friends with the occasional conflict but nuthin too serious and everyone thinks that they are good neighbours. However deep down inside, they hate each other to the core and often scheme to sabotage and plan ways to attack the other at home.

Well, this is the story i learnt in the army, cant say who because i might get into trouble. but i guess u people already have a pretty good idea already. Everyday we r planning an attack into a certain land of a certain colour. They are always the aggressor and we are always the neutral party going to help another nation in need.

I cant really say much here because i dun wanna get into trouble so just bear in mind that friendship may just be a facade. The real deal goes on behind closed doors.

8. It takes alot of effort to maintain a relationship in the army

If u r in the army and have a girlfriend, my heart goes out to u because i know that u put in a lot of effort but still yr gf mightstill not understand in the end.

She never understand why u cannot call her early.

She never understand why u fall asleep when she told u to wait for her call.

She never understands why u are always late when meeting her on saturdays.

She never understands why u must speak so softly when talking to her at night.

She never understands what u mean by "I am tired".

I lost a relationship while serving the army. I tried hard but i guess hard was never good enough. Though the main reason why i broke up is not listed above, but they put the relationship on the rocks.

While u r digging your trench, you wonder if she had dinner yet and the spade hits your leg.

While u r eating your meals, you wonder if there is another guy n uni who wants to go after her and u choke on your rice.

While you are running, you wonder if she is alrite on the cycling trip she is on,whether she observe the safety rules and u fall into the drain.

While u are cleaning your bunk, u wonder if she will be having a good day today and think about how to spend the weekend with her and u turn on the fan while yr bunkmate is cleaning it.

Maybe its just me who does that but i dun believe so. I think lot of guys in the army with gf are also torn and in misery. It is definitely not easy, some will end u like me, breaking up during service, some will tahan till the end, but watever it is, dun let a breakup break u, be strong and move on.

9. Band of brothers

The most wonderful thing about the army is that it takes boys from different background and put them together and make them great friends at the end.

I have gone to many places in the army and made alot of friends. However, there will always be a guy who u share almost everything with. A guy u trust and rely on in times of difficulties. A guy u call your buddy. For me, my buddy is this loser called cher weiliang.

We became buddies in OCS and got stuck since. We ended up in engineers, in bridging, and ultimately in 35 SCE. Like all buddies, we shared a love hate relationship. Sometimes we just cant stand the look on each other's faces but when the other is missing, u begin to think of him. This may sound gay i know but i believe it happens to everyone. My buddy tried to kill me once and nearly broke my nose doing so. I always made fun of him and his sleeptalking. But when we needed someone to talk to, we were there for each other. Thru all the tough times and the silly things that we did, I am really grateful to him or one thing. He has kept a secret for me for a very long time and I thank him for that. Now I will come clean and maybe my conscience will feel better.

2 yrs ago, we were on a POI field camp, where we learnt how to protect key installations. The first night we were tasked to protect the ammo dump on tekong. It was roughly 1 am then, i was sitting next to my buddy near a drain, we were supposed to be on rest waiting for our next shift. We were happily chatting when the enemy came thru the darkness and eluded the guards and broke into our line. Both of us loaded our weapon and got ready for a firefight but by the time we were ready, we were already shot. Not that i cared really because it really means nuthin more than the plan wasn't good enough. So i proceeded to unload the weapon and clear it. It was dark and i cant really see wats in the chamber but complacency got the better of me and i just squeezed off and thats when it happened. A round was fired. Athough it was a blank the punishment for a negligent discharge or misfire is a charge of 21 days SOL(stoppages of leave) which means no booking out for 21 days and also restriction of privileges. Then, i was still attached and saturdays meant meeting up with my girlfriend and was of utmost importance to, me and so when my instructor came over and asked me if I had misfired, i lied and said no, and the noise came from the firefight somewhere else. The instructor looked doubtful but gave me the benefit of the doubt, which i didnt deserved. My buddy who was beside me looked in shock how i lied my way out of trouble. I made him promise to keep this a secret and he has. The ironic thing is that the following day, he misfired too and was caught red handed. As his punishment was meted out, he looked at me and gave me a knowing look but i was too guilty to look at him. Since then , this issue had bothered me from time to time and conscience wise, i felt that i was a real a**, until now.

So if u have a buddy like mine, pls don't screw it up. I really hope our friendship can go a long way. Really glad i have a buddy like u cher!

I guess that's all I have for today. Watever happened in the army is kinda over now, but still the experiences it gave me and the lessons it taught will never be over. Well, Check out this space next week for chapter 3 of 'tuesdays with Haoz'

posted by haoz @ 4/19/2005 08:12:00 AM 0 comments

posted by haoz @ 4/18/2005 09:45:00 AM 0 comments

posted by haoz @ 4/18/2005 08:31:00 AM 0 comments

WOOHOO!!!i'll let the match eport do the talking...enjoy!


Newcastle 1-4 Man Utd: FT Report
PA
Bitter rivals Manchester United and Arsenal will return to the Millennium Stadium on May 21 to put their seasons on the line in a mouth-watering FA Cup final.

Ferguson happy with players' response
Twenty-four hours after Arsene Wenger's men had set up a confrontation that will fill Soho Square with eager anticipation and total dread in equal measure, holders United booked their Cardiff return with an easy 4-1 win over hapless, Intertoto Cup-bound Newcastle.

Given the bad blood that boils between the men of Highbury and Old Trafford, it is a clash that will not need any hype, leaving the loser, as it will, literally potless.

Ferguson will relish the build-up as much as he enjoyed a seventh straight semi-final win, none of which have been as easy as this.

Last weekend's appalling display at Norwich predictably had the critics sharpening their knives.
Talk swirling round Old Trafford all week has been of a club in crisis. It should have been no surprise therefore that by half-time United had booked another Cup final appearance.
The Red Devils were helped massively by a Newcastle side ejected by the same scoreline from the UEFA Cup on Thursday and who were so bad in the first 20 minutes here they would not have looked out of place in the Conference.

From the first whistle, United exploited gaping holes in the Newcastle defence, with Roy Keane biting into challenges and Cristiano Ronaldo at his beguiling best, although he did also place a major early blot on his copybook.

He quickly made an impact on proceedings, but for all the wrong reasons as he tumbled over under pressure from Steven Taylor as he charged onto Ruud van Nistelrooy's sixth-minute through ball.

Referee Mike Riley, who is not totally unused to giving United penalties, blew his whistle immediately, leaving the vast majority of the crowd to believe he had ordered Ferguson's men another. Instead, the official deservedly flashed a yellow card in Ronaldo's face, as TV replays backed Riley's view the youngster had taken a dive.

It proved to be the last time anyone had reason to criticise Ronaldo, who from that point on, limited his trickery, produced the two crosses which saw Ferguson's men seize control and then finished off a one-sided romp 12 minutes from time.

Like his young team-mate, van Nistelrooy had served notice he was up for the contest, scrapping for possession, muscling his way round Taylor and Jean-Alain Boumsong and generally causing a major nuisance of himself.

All the big Dutchman needed was a goal. And, to Ferguson's obvious glee, after eight long games and 19 minutes, the longest drought of a 124-goal United career came to an end.
Van Nistelrooy did need a bit of good fortune as Boumsong slipped attempting to reach Ronaldo's low ball. But after that, it was typical precision, deftly steering the ball beyond Shay Given in a manner United fans have become so accustomed to.

The goal did bring an improvement from the Magpies, although that was not too hard. Laurent Robert took aim with two free-kicks but produced the worst from his extensive repertoire and Alan Shearer got a boot in the face as he steered a brave header goalwards.

It was the red shirts who were dominant, though, and when Paul Scholes rose to meet Ronaldo's powerful near post cross and flash a header into the far corner, it was no more than the holders deserved.

The renewed conviction coursing through Newcastle veins at the start of the second half was quickly quelled when Wayne Rooney led a counter-attack which ended with Scholes presenting van Nistelrooy with an opportunity to tap his 14th of the season into an empty net.
Shola Ameobi pulled one back almost immediately but it was United who looked more like adding to their lead than the Magpies decreasing it.

And, after Given had denied van Nistelrooy, Scholes, Ronaldo and the outstanding Gabriel Heinze, the Red Devils finally grabbed a fourth, Van Nistelrooy teeing up Ronaldo for the simplest of finishes.

Ferguson delighted with United response
Sir Alex Ferguson is convinced Manchester United were stung into FA Cup semi-final glory by the avalanche of criticism which engulfed them in the wake of last week's nightmare at Norwich.
'Last Saturday, quite rightly, the players were criticised,' said the long-serving Scot. 'They let a lot of people down - including themselves - with a performance that was not acceptable.
'Players do not like criticism and maybe that had something to do with what happened today. We needed to remind everyone just what Manchester United is all about.
'I never had any doubt they would come back. The ability in the squad is fantastic. But you have to work in life. No-one knocks at your door and gives you money. You have to go out and earn it.
'We have six matches to complete before we get to the final,' he said. 'We want to be second in the league but we are dependent on Arsenal dropping points to do that. But if we do win our six matches, we can still do it.'
Meanwhile, Graeme Souness admitted the traumas of recent weeks had caught up with his Newcastle side.
Souness blamed the disappointment of a UEFA Cup quarter-final loss to Sporting Lisbon last Thursday plus the absence of Kieron Dyer and Lee Bowyer, who were serving suspensions for their infamous punch-up against Aston Villa.
'We played a very good United team today,' said Souness. 'We've played two games and travelled to Lisbon since they last played and, given our suspensions and injuries, it was always going to be a difficult afternoon's work for us.
'We'd have liked to have played with everybody fit and rested and that wasn't the case today.
'But I can't be critical of any of my players. We've been bashed up physically and mentally on Thursday night and after that sometimes it takes you 45 minutes of football to get your legs going.'

Souness revealed that Frenchman Laurent Robert, who played despite maintaining in midweek that Souness had taken the team backwards, had said sorry to his team-mates, although intriguingly he was uncertain whether he had been included in that apology.
'He (Robert) was, we felt, the best man for the job today,' said Souness. 'He has apologised to the players. I can't remember whether I was in the group. I might have been.
'But today and on Thursday we were exposed. Again we had two 18-year-olds and a 19-year-old on the pitch. We had that on Thursday trying to win a European quarter-final and we had that today.
'A couple of things didn't go for us but we have to live with that. Right now I'm feeling sorry for all my players, supporters as well.
'We've got seven hard games left and somehow we have to regroup,' said Souness. 'I don't think it's psychological at this stage. If you're winning, you don't feel the tiredness. In the first-half at times we looked a tired team and maybe in the second-half as well towards the end.
'We've somehow got to find the energy and the togetherness for Wednesday night. Norwich are still fighting for their lives and we'll have a hard game.
'We have to strengthen. We are a big football club and we are looking to stay in big competitions right to the end of the season. If you're doing that, games come thick and fast. Don't worry, we'll be back for a semi-final.'

posted by haoz @ 4/18/2005 08:27:00 AM 0 comments

"Loser"

An abstract from my friendster testimonials

".lEoNg,
May 08, 2004 11:55
I dont understand Zhihao. He doesnt reply when i call him Zhihao, but when i call him loser, he replies, almost as if he's happy i called him that. Weirdo"



I have been given many nicknames before in my life. Cant really remember wat they called me in primary school. But i was called ***(cannot say) and wa-na-han in secondary school. I am not really one of those that would break down and cry(boo hoo hoo) when pple called me by those names. In fact, I gladly accepted those names because they gave me a sense of identity. Soon nobody in school called me by my real name maybe except the teachers but i really didn't mind. These names were often given out of zest when being teased and somehow they were stuck on me like superglue while the nicknames for other people were like those post-its labels that couldn't stick for like 10 mins.

And so i was stuck with it for four years and when i finally left secondary school and went to jc, my friends there called me by my real name for the first time in a long long time. It took some getting used to but soon, the superglue on my alias finally lost its superpowers.

1st 3 mths came and went, a wonderful experience, and soon the real term started and i met llk.
Didn't like his face the first time i met him, looked like a big-mac, but somehow we became the best buddies in class soon after(i have a knack of becoming good friends with people whose faces i didn't like initially). Somehow or rather, there was this new term going around the jc students in singapore then, and its "loser". Like if u did something silly, or if u made a fool of yrself, then you will be labelled a loser.

And...

Somehow or rather, llk started calling me a loser. I didn't really give a sh*t then because we called each other losers all the time. People like alex is one, i call ah kow and ken losers some times. However, it was just something that was for the moment, and we go back to calling alex, alex after that. Calling him a loser when we need to(which is pretty often by the way). But somehow llk didn't get the point tt you are not supposed to use that all the time and thus, another nickname got stuck onto me with superglue. (Thankfully llk is the only one that calls me by that)

I began to wonder wat have i lost to be branded a loser for so long. Wat makes a loser loser and a winner winner in life? Who decides who is the loser and who s the winner in life??

Life is not a football game where the team who scores the most goals or wears a woolly hat wins. It is much much more complicated than that. I admit that i am ugly, don't have much money, don't have a car, don't have a girlfriend, don't have a dog, don't have a big house, don't have any talents and the list goes on. So is it that if u reach a certain numbers of don't haves then you are a loser? How about haves?i have wonderful loving parents, have great friends, have memories of a sweet sweet relationship, have a place in university, have a healthy body and the list goes on. Aren't those enough to neutralize the don't have and justify my visa out of loserland?

Or maybe...

just maybe, loserisitis( a condition of how loser u are) isn't determined by wat u have won or lost or wat u have or don't have. Loser could be just a term given as a testament to your character. So, the more flaws you have, the more serious loserisitis becomes.

Ok...lets see...

yes, i have alot of flaws, i have a short temper, i am lazy, i eat alot, i am vain and the list shall go on and on and on.

But who doesn't have that much flaws?...Nobody i would guess.
Though it may not be the same flaws but they could be other flaws because in the list of flaws, there are infinity + 1 number of flaws but how come i don't see much people in loserland?
Ahhh...maybe because there are many people does belong to loserland due to their flaws but they are also the ones that have the big cars, big money, big boobs girlfriends, daddy who r some tycoon and they buy their way out of loserland. They pay the corrupted administration of loserland an obscence sum of money and migrate to winnerland when their rightful place is among the losers because they have the most flaws but like they say, money makes the world go round and people like me who have flaws but no money gets to stay in loserland.

So i guess llk is right then, I am a loser, not by choice and certainly not proud of it. However, at least i can claim that i was honest about it and man enough to admit i am one. guess my loserisitis isn't that serious after all and hope to see more and more people visiting loserland. Tourism is our biggest industry because everyday people are being labelled as a loser for a while and then they recover from it while us citizens are labelled losers all the time, thanks to people like llk.

P.S. My sec sch friends do still call me by the alias in the 1st para, and don't ask me who or wat wa-na-han is, cause i have no idea myself.

posted by haoz @ 4/15/2005 10:57:00 AM 0 comments

its friday and its the end of the week.weekend beckons but still it doesn't matter anyway. So here's a joke to start the day...

posted by haoz @ 4/15/2005 09:47:00 AM 0 comments

remember the cai tao kway earlier...the awful one??i cant believe i am eating it now. Hungry so no choice. Somehow it tastes better this time, but i am still nv gonna buy from that stall again.

posted by haoz @ 4/14/2005 11:40:00 PM 0 comments

went back to seletar today to play soccer, still under the perception that i am sttill as fit as last time. how wrong could i get.

wanted to play for HQ but ended up playing for the officer mess...played on my usual right wing, started to pant after like wat,5mins?...lao ren alreadyz loh. Guofeng damn suay sia, played for only ten mins got injured liaoz,courtesy of guoxin. Looked pretty bad some more, hope its nuthin serious.

I also very suay, hit the post twice, IN ONE SHOT!!!got past the defence fired the shot, hit the near post on the inside, tot its going in only for it to fly and hit the other post and go out. Then 2 mins later, a good flick on by s3 but even at full stretch i was 10cm away from a tap in. Managed to set up our first goal though, wanted to shot but with my left foot, somehow found S1!! yes S1!! at the far post and he scored....hahaha, got dizzy after like 1 hr and sub out.

Came back to play for hq and cannot stand the new dys3, actually criticise my corner taking, ok i admit the first 2 corners were screwed up due to rustiness...but the rest would have made beckham proud i tell u and him??his crosses and corners cant even clear the 1st defenders.
Dunno wat he playing also, one moement on the left the other moment on the right and the next all over the place...stick to your position manz. Ok lah, he scored 1 goal but keep criticizing and scolding teammates when he himself played like shit.

managed to get a lift out from cpt derrick and how nice of him to turn back when i realised i forgot to change back my pass...thank u sir!!

Got home had a good shower...a bad dinner...and the worst of cramps...

moral of the story...warm up b4 any strenous excercise and nv buy carrot cake from hougang mall again...

posted by haoz @ 4/14/2005 09:39:00 PM 0 comments

"Cheat"

In the wake of the uefa champions league quarter finals which just ended, the question which have bothered me thru out is whether chelsea had cheated. As most of u guys know, and for those who don't, the chelsea manager, jose "i am arrogant and dishonest" mourinho was banned from any contact or communication with his staff and players during both legs of the quarter finals. However, there was speculation that the team's fitness coach, this loser called rui faria, was spotted wearing a woolly hat on a warm evening and seems to be passing messages to the assistant manager. Was that mourinho? Nobody knows whether they cheated or not, nobody except themselves. But for pple like myself, I would love to believe that they did, which would make hating them more justified because they cheated.

Nobody likes cheaters, whether it being in the champions league or in events that occupy our everyday lives. Cheaters are despised and hated because they gain an upper hand over others using unscrupulous methods and this disgusts pple because nobody likes to be disadvantaged and more importantly, cheaters reduce the winning chances of their opponents significantly and nobody likes losing.

One question though, who can dare say he or she has never ever cheated in his or her whole life before. Not many I would say, and those who say they have never cheated, well, I think u are lying, period.

I have cheated, many times, exams, tests, football games, cheated my friends and my love ones.
The most notable being the PSLE prelims in pri where my whole class,with the exception of 1, came together and we cheated right under the teacher's nose. Every single paper. Mind u, this is an EM 1 class, most of us(not inclusive of myself though) moved onto top secondary schools and top JC and most possibly top universities. We were busted 2 weeks after the exams, not because the teachers saw thru our plan, our plan was perfect, the teachers didn't have a clue. It was so perfect, I guess that 1 exception in my class could not take the fact that most of us did well( tt guy is one of the top students by the way), even the mediocore students like myself. So one fine monday morning, he stood in front of the whole class and told the teacher every single detail.( Right down to how the tissue papers we used to pass answers were destroyed by blowing our noses into it). So, what did u expect? The standard punishment for a exam like this was to be barred from exams for up to 3 years if I remember correctly, so if that is the case, then my whole class would miss our PSLE.

What happened then?

I went on to Montfort Secondary the followin year, some of my classmates went to RI and some to VS. So you see, we were given second chance because the school thinks we are still not to the state of incorrigible and also because we didn't really cause much damage. ( Maybe except disappointing our parents and our form teacher, who is a bitch anyway, so I don't really give a damn about her)

I got to admit, I didn't stop cheating after that. It actually got worst. In secondary school especially, because you ain't cool if u ain't cheating. Sometimes I get away wth it, sometimes I got busted, but even then, all I got was a stern warning. I never realised then that cheating could hurt, others and in the end ultimately yourself.

I am not really talking about tests and exams regarding this, I am talking about a relationship.
I cheated in mine. Just to clarify, I did not go out with other girls, I did not flirt with them, I was just very into the girl I was with. She was the only one in my heart then, the only star in my universe.

I cheatd on her simply by lying.

Well, I lie many times to her before( I mean who doesn't). But most are white lies an I believed every single guy has done that. Like that time I got a deep cut on my shin because I langgar goalpost while playing soccer. She kept asking me if I was in pain and I said no, but believe me, I was in a shitload of pain. But I lied to her because I didn't want her to worry, now that is a white lie.

This isn't

It was the FA cup semi-finals between Man U and Arsenal last season, the 3rd of April. The guys have planned it for a long time and I did not want to disappoint them. The initial plan was to go to someone's house to watch it, but at the last minute, he( llk) decided to go devil's bar to watch it. I was in a fix, I did not know what to do(because she doesn't like me going to clubs), should I tell her that I am going there or should I keep her in the dark and still pretend that I am going to his(llk) house to watch the match. In the end, I decided against telling her and kept up with the show because I knew if I told her she would be angry, not talk to me for a week. So I stayed on, Man U won 1-0, Paul Scholes scored the goal, I was on cloud nine cause Arsenal had been unbaten in like a kazillion matches before that, so I was naturally ecstatic, and so was llk. He then suggested we go to chinablack to celebrate where ken and kow will join us. I really felt like rejecting him because I didn't want to run the risk of getting caught but in the end, that llk managed to persuade me to go and I didn't want to be the spoilsport on such a happy night. So it was, we went to chinablack and we drank abit and danced. Didn't go pick up any girls though as I know I wasn't supposed to, told myself I am just here to enjoy myself with the guys, to celebrate Man U's truimph over Arsenal.

Then it happened, she called.

I didn't know what to do, I decided not to pick up and tell her I was in the toilet later when I move to a quieter place to call her. But, as fate would have it, I fumbled over the phone and pressed answer. I was stunned into paralysis, so she was able to hear I was in an environment of loud blasting music and dancing bodies. I only manged to end the call like 10 secs later Immediately, I ran downstairs and called her. I told her that I was at some kopitiam in serangoon but she wouldn't believe me and had no reason to really. So we broke up...the time was 1:17 am on the morning of the 4th of april.

That was no white lie. That was the darkest and blackest lie that I have ever said in my whole life.

Did I deserve a second chance? I thought so. Still not fully understanding the consequences of my actions that night.

So, I tried to contact her after that for a reconcilation but somehow, things just screws up everytime I tried and our relationship got from bad to worse and now its is just plain awful.
I thought maybe we are not fated to be together again, but then things she did and words she told others jut cuts me up...deep. The final straw came when she was going thru some difficulties with her family and approached me for help. I wouldn't go into details as it would take till tmr but the point is, I had a argument with my father because of this and did she appreciate it? Noooo.....she rejected the offer and said something that felt like a slap in a the face after u tried to help someone. I was angry, for the first time with her. The whole time I taken the blame for the breakup by myself, but what she has done was really too much and I was hurt, very very hurt and disappointed. Only then did i realised maybe I did not deserve a second chance and our relationship together became sweet memories without a chance of a resurrection. That was what I meant by when you cheat, u not ony hurt others but ultimately, u will hurt yourself.

So that was my long story. Mind u, what i did was just not being truthful, I did not become unfaithful at all and that already made me very miserable and guilty.

What's my point?

My point is that some of u guys/gals/man/woman/auntie/uncle/ah kong/ah ma out there have a perfectly loving partner who loves you and all they hope for is you returning the love to them.

But wat do u do?

You go outside and flirt around, constantly thinking of another person. Yea, u say u r just making friends and widening your social circle, ok fair enough. But just ask yourself this qn, how many sms-es do u send to these new friends of yours per day? and how many do u send to your partner? and how many of these sms-es to your partner contains " i love you"...My guess is probably very little or even none at all. And all the while, your partner gets kept in the dark and believes that the love between the 2 of you is still going strong and lasting, but u know for a fact that is not true right.

My advice, which according to llk is reasonably good for someone of my intelligence, is to love the one you love and the one who love you. If u r not meant to be together, then u r not meant to be together. You can't force a relationship.

In today's context, what you have done may be widely acceptable because most toms, dicks, and harrys are doing it. But u know for one that it is not, and that's why dicks are doing it, so r u trying to tell us that you are a dick?

Remember, cheating is fun and good because it gives you an advantage over others but it is also deadly because it hurts people and the person who is going to get hurt most is the cheater him/herself.

Well, I still believed that chelsea cheated!

posted by haoz @ 4/14/2005 08:53:00 AM 0 comments

Good morning everyone, well let's start the day off with domething light shall we?got a couple of jokes to share with u pple, so enjoy!

posted by haoz @ 4/14/2005 08:47:00 AM 0 comments